In the End

The anniversary of my friend’s death is approaching. I began thinking about her and the process of watching her die. Here's the poem that seemed to burst out of me, once I gave myself permission to feel everything. 

—

In the End

i tried to help you

understand

this cancer was ruthless.

i tried to help you

prepare

i could feel

the end was coming.

i tried to believe

alongside you

the treatments

would give us more

time.

i tried to keep

hopeful

i tried to

allow

independence.

i tried to convince you

of hospice.

i tried to make the doctors

be honest.

i tried to ignore

the

dying

i saw in you.

i tried to convince you

it’s time.

go home.

i tried to ease

pain

that final

night.

i tried to lessen

fear.

i tried to explain

dying

to your family.

i tried and

i tried.

yet, still

you

died.

and,

in the end,

i would do it

all over

again.